7 Ways to Bring More Meaning to Your Life
By Jill Suttie
How often do we stop to think about the meaning of life? If you’re like me, probably not much. Even though I may feel a vague sense of anxiety around how my life is unfolding and the inevitability of death, I don’t often slow down enough to reflect on what happens after we die or what it means to live life to the fullest.
But according to a new book, Start Making Sense by psychologist Steven Heine, this is the wrong attitude. By reflecting on existential questions like these and considering our own answers to these questions, we can live a more authentic, meaningful existence.
“When people feel they are leading a meaningful life, their lives make more sense to them,” writes Heine. “They have a sense of purpose that guides their behaviors. They feel that their lives matter and that they’re capable of making a difference in the world.”
Why Focus on Meaning?
As Heine writes, the search for meaning is an inherent part of being human. Yet many of us don’t take the time to think about our place in the universe or what we value most. Instead of focusing on what might bring us more meaning, we distract ourselves with superficial sources of gratification — like overconsumption, alcohol and drugs, TV bingeing, or mindless social media scrolling — which are easier to access and, therefore, tempting. The ease with which we can get sucked into these interferes with making meaningful changes to our lives, argues Heine.
How to focus more on the larger context of our lives? We can look to philosophers who tried to explain the different approaches to the search for meaning, argues Heine. For example, Kierkegaard, a theologian, believed in God but also believed that people have free will and meaning in life is a personal construction. Camus, on the other hand, believed there was no God or inherent meaning in life; so, we must revolt against the absurdity of it all and live life with passion.
Contemplating conflicting views like these, Heine suggests, helps us clarify our own beliefs about life’s bigger questions. And, he adds, psychological science can help explain why we have this urge to see our lives as coherent and meaningful. If they aren’t, we’ll experience unpleasant cognitive dissonance and try to resolve that, somehow.
“Our brains have evolved what I term a sense-making system, which ensures that we feel what we are doing is meaningful and makes good sense . . . and directs us to make efforts to correct matters whenever it senses anything that no longer makes sense,” he writes.
Though we have tools at our disposal, the path to more meaning is not necessarily straight or narrow, Heine writes, but one involving personal choice and many possible detours. Our personal sense of meaning will be affected by our culture and the events in our lives — how we managed them and what they taught us. The trick is to recognize this and use it to our advantage.
How to Infuse Life With More Meaning
The keys to a meaningful life generally stem from three things: our close personal relationships and communities, our work, and being connected to something greater than ourselves. Each of these can have a huge effect on our well-being through the meaning they impart. While there isn’t necessarily a one-size-fits-all approach, here are some tips Heine suggests for finding meaning:
Ground yourself in your personal values. When people encounter problems in their lives, they can react in different ways depending on how grounded they feel, says Heine.
“When people are grounded, they feel that the key connections in their lives that provide the foundation of a sense of meaning are solidly intact,” he writes. “They know who they are, who their important relationships are, and what they stand for, and they are in a better position to confront any new threats they might encounter.”
Use nostalgia to reflect on your life. Engaging in nostalgia can help us see parts of ourselves that have remained steadfast, despite the passage of time. By reflecting on past experiences and how we dealt with them, we can boost our sense of continuity and authenticity.
To stimulate nostalgia, you can look through old photos, listen to favorite songs from the past, or go through old keepsakes and recall what was happening at that time of your life, says Heine. Or you can contact an old friend and reminisce about the past. It can be especially powerful to recall times when you were socially connected with others, he adds, since relationships are so meaningful.
“By making your memories more accessible, you will be better able to connect the path of your current life with the events that occurred along the way, writes Heine. “You will be reminded about how the events of your path have shaped who you are today.”
Pursue self-transcendent experiences. There is a reason many people find meaning in religion — it can give us a sense of self-transcendence or being connected to something bigger than ourselves. But for nonbelievers, there are other ways to seek transcendent experiences that inspire awe and wonder — and these, too, bring meaning to our lives.
For example, watching a beautiful sunset or a starlit sky, witnessing people doing supremely moral acts, encountering deep states of meditation, or seeing incredible architecture or art can all inspire awe. When we have these kinds of mind-expanding experiences, they challenge our view of everyday existence in a way that forces us to think about what life means and what matters.
Enhance your relationships. “One of the most reliable sources of meaning in our lives is the interpersonal connections that we have — in particular, those of our closest relationships,” writes Heine.
For that reason, it’s good to spend time with those we love, whether that means our families, friends, or romantic partners. Nurturing these relationships brings a sense of meaning in life; even when they are challenging, our sense of meaning can help us maintain them in the long run. For example, a parent who finds taking care of their kids to be tedious or difficult may be able to persevere and find joy because of the meaning it provides in their lives.
Another way that relationships can imbue meaning is when we are part of a group or community with shared interests and values. If you lack this sense of belonging in your life, it could help to volunteer for a cause you believe in — perhaps providing help to others in need or working toward preserving a green space in your community — which can help connect you with others.
Find meaning and purpose in your work. The work we do in the world is a primary way we fulfill existential needs, writes Heine. “When people think about who they are, a big part of their answer comes from what they do for a living or whatever organizations they belong to.”
Work provides a sense of identity and self-worth, and it allows us to contribute to something greater than ourselves, which feels purposeful. Work can also bring us meaning if the money we earn is used to provide for others (e.g., our families). Simply recognizing this can help us see the meaning behind what we do for a living, making our lives richer.
Some careers lend themselves easily to finding meaning — such as those serving the needs of others, like teachers, health care workers, or the clergy, writes Heine. However, it can be challenging to find meaning in work for many people. Part of that comes from changing trends in the work world itself, like more remote work and less stable employment.
If you find it hard to find meaning in work — or if you’ve retired and have lost the everyday meaning that work supplied — it’s still possible to find meaning in volunteering, participating in groups that interest you, or taking classes, writes Heine.
Seek psychologically rich experiences. While there are many roads to happiness and meaning, one that is less commonly recognized is what psychologists call a “psychologically rich life.” This means seeking experiences that are novel and different — ones that challenge our way of thinking, offer us new perspectives, or stimulate deep feelings in us.
While these can be large in scope (like living abroad for a year), they can also be simple and easy to do, writes Heine. For example, he suggests things like trying out a new ethnic cuisine, visiting an art gallery, or trying out an escape room with friends.
Recognize your own heroic journey. All of us have had to face obstacles at some point in our lives. If we can reflect on how we overcame those obstacles — whether by pulling on our personal resources, learning new ways of thinking or behaving, creating allies to help us in our quest, or something else — we can tap into our own heroic narrative and find a sense of meaning in our existence.
Of course, writing about the heroic thread in your life story may not grab you. Nor might some of the other ways to find meaning that Heine suggests. But it doesn’t hurt to assess where you’re at in each of these areas of life and see what you may be missing, he says.
“If you can shore up any of the underpinnings of meaning that you find are lacking, you’ll likely start to feel that your life is more meaningful.”
