How to Talk to Your Kids and Family Before Big Holiday Gatherings

For children, the winter holiday season is the most wonderful time of the year. Between sparkling lights, festive songs, heartwarming classic movies, and holiday treats and outdoor activities, for young ones, there’s much to look forward to.

Holiday gatherings can also be challenging for kids, according to HuffPost. “So many kids struggle during the holidays. Even too much of a good thing — like playing with cousins, eating sweets or watching favorite holiday movies — can overwhelm young nervous systems,” Melissa Schwartz, an author and parenting coach, tells HuffPost.

However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Through preparing children and giving them tools ahead of time for moments when it gets too noisy, busy, or overwhelming, they can enjoy the day, Schwartz says.

Let Your Kids Know What to Expect Beforehand
Whether it’s a visit to a family member’s home or a friend’s house, the simple act of describing the scene can do wonders for helping your child. Let them know who will be in attendance, what the schedule will look like, and tell them if there will be music or particular noises. While crowds and loud sounds can be hard for young ones — they can be particularly challenging for sensitive or neurodivergent kids.

Talk About Boundaries With Your Family
Having conversations with kids about boundaries can also be beneficial. Make sure to let your children know they don’t have to hug others if they don’t feel comfortable and they can say “No, thank you.” This normalizes “body boundaries and choice,” Nicolle Osequeda, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says.

You can also help your kids check in with themselves and decide whether they want to try foods they’re offered. For example, you can let them know in advance that if a family member insists they try something, they can say “no thank you, maybe later.” Gently guide them to trust their bodies. Tell them when they don’t know what their body wants, they can say, “I’ll take a little to see if I like it,” or “I’m full right now, thank you.”

It’s also the other way around, Spectrum News 1 reports. “For example, it may be OK in your house if your kid is running or if they climb on the furniture,” Kate Roush, an assistant clinical professor from the College of Social Work at Ohio State University, tells Spectrum News 1. “Parents often have a lot of tolerance for kiddo behaviors. That may not be okay at Grandma’s house. And if so, that’s okay. Kids can be resilient. They can learn different rules for different situations, but we need to know that in advance so we can prepare them,” Roush says.

If you’re feeling nervous about setting boundaries with family, upfront communication can help prevent awkward moments. “The best way to do that is really just to explain to families that you’re trying to teach your child about boundaries and safety and that their body is theirs and it’s OK to say no,” she adds.

Remind Your Kids It’s Okay to Take a Break
With gatherings full of people and activities — it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and tired, according to HuffPost. Schwartz recommends telling your children that needing quiet time is healthy for self-regulation. “Identify a calm spot in advance, such as a space in the house, outside or even the car, and agree on a signal they can use to ask for a reset,” she recommends.

Having open conversations with your children and family ahead of time opens the door for smoother family gatherings. By encouraging kids to listen to themselves — you also give them a lifelong gift that goes far beyond the holidays.